Frog is totally one step away from chicken.

Diana:  Just had escargot and frog legs for the first time.  Delicious!  I heart escargot especially.
Me:  YOU ATE MEAT!!
Diana: Haha is that meat?  They live in water…the line is blurry.

For the record, Diana is pescetarian.  Or so we think.

Biology Sucks

“Cut the crap Hamlet, my biological clock is ticking and I want babies now!”  It’s an old line from the Reduced Shakespeare Company’s attempt to inspire an audience member’s participation as Ophelia, one that I used to just find humorous in an abstract sense.  But more and more lately it pops up in the back of my mind with a hint of truth.  I’m fighting a losing battle with biology.

As far as I can tell, this all started about a year ago.  The first mention of it that I can remember was to my friend Keith, and went something like, “Awwww, look at the baby!  ….WHAT THE FUCK.”  Keith cracked up and then told me that his female friends around the age of 25 had commented to him on how disturbing hormones get, and how there are moments where you just want a baby more than anything.  I consoled myself with the fact that I was only developing a newfound fondness for infants rather than a pressing desire to kidnap one.

It has only grown worse since then.

Now I’ve never been a girly girl, and I’ve never been the kind of girl who dreams about weddings and children and marriage.  And even in NYC this past weekend with Jen and Tristan, I regaled them with the tale of my parents’ “wedding”: no real proposal, no ceremony, no kiss.  A judge, a signature, and a handshake.  This was, of course, after we took the time to bury the Strand’s copy of How to Get Married, quite possibly the most unsettling children’s book I’ve ever seen.  They reacted with amusement and commented that it seems to have worked for my parents, and obviously none of us are ruled by heteronormative standards in our views of love and marriage and mutual contempt for that book.  I was raised with the understanding that weddings are not required, careers should be established before a family, and that parenthood is a messy and sleep-deprived process.  Nothing about marriage was ever romanticized to me.

But oh my god babies.

Yesterday as Anran and I were gardening* we were approached by two old acquaintances and their infant son.  Anran had met the kid before but I hadn’t, nor had I seen his dad in at least three years now.  The whole incident was precious.  Although the toddler (maybe 2 years old at this point?) approached willingly, when he reached the driveway he turned shy and retreated to dad.  Even so he yelled many hellos and goodbye and did a lot of waving.  Consequently every baby-oriented hormone in my body was flipped on for the rest of the day and I was left picking up the overly-sentimental pieces of myself with repeated reminders that no, actually I really don’t need a baby right now, nor do I want one at this point in time.

In one of my heart-to-heart chats with Mr. Rose he once commented that it seemed as if my whole life I had been rebelling against being a girl – he quickly corrected himself, saying that “rebelling” wasn’t the right word, although I feel like it’s a pretty accurate statement.  But he reassured me that at such a critical point in my life this was simply the discovery of another aspect of myself, and that since I am after all, you know, a GIRL, then there was really no problem with being one.  And it’s not like I’m going to suddenly drop my career asperations and become a housewife baby-factory.  Really in the end it’s more annoying than anything else, arguing logic against biological instincts.

Seriously brain, I understand that my biological clock is ticking, but I just don’t want a baby now. But if you want a compromise I’ll offer up my services as a sitter.  Just to remind you how obnoxious kids really are.  And for hugs.

*Our herbs were flourishing.  Then Poe ate them all.  Luckily we had already transplanted the zucchinis before she got to those!  This makes me wonder how I can manage to continue doing some indoor gardening when I move to Michigan, as I was originally hoping to grow a little kale and maintain some of my herbs…

Sunglasses. Get Yours.

Forget Casual Friday!

When my mom saw my planned outfit for today, she gave me a quizzical look and said, “It’s casual Friday…you can wear JEANS.”  I said forget casual Friday!  Dressing up is purely for myself, not for my office.  This was the completion of week three of work, and the novelty of putting together outfits still has yet to wear off.  I’ve said it before, but my favorite part really is playing with color palates (orchestral musicians pretty much are stuck in all-black, or occasionally black pants with a white top).  Every time I saw myself in the mirror I felt like a cappuccino!

Details:

Shrug: Thrifted
Tank top: Hand-me-down from my Grandma
Belt: Borrowed from my mom
Necklace: Borrowed from my sister
Skirt: ???  Super old, bought it in high school
Shoes: Cole Haan Air, from Nordstrom Rack
Bag: Harajuku Lovers, from Buffalo Exchange

This is one of those outfits that demonstrates the perks of living in a thrift shop loving, female-heavy household.  Only about half of what I was wearing was mine, and only the shoes were purchased at a normal store (but on sale!).

That owl necklace is easily my favorite part of this outfit.  Ashley and I found it at a thrift shop in Newport Beach, but I let her claim it due to the length; with most of my shirts it falls too awkwardly into my cleavage.  But with as much coverage as this tank top had, I figured it was okay.  And the Cole Haan shoes?  That Nike air technology is awesome!  Shoes are one of the few things I’m more willing to spend money on, but I managed to find these for about $60 at Nordstrom Rack.

Geez, working an office job is really bringing out my inner girl.

Boys Night Out (I Count!!)

Way back in May my mom asked me to help move my sister out of her college dorm room, and deciding to make a fun hang-out of it I invited three of my close friends out for a pre-moving lunch.  Out of courtesy they offered to help me move her out, especially since my sister actually had to attend a meeting and would not be there to participate in the manual labor.  Little did we know that we would be removing the carpet of doom.  This carpet was nothing like I had ever touched before.  It scratched up our hands, wounded Thomas, didn’t roll or fold like a carpet should, and was filthy beyond belief.  I’m pretty sure we contracted undiscovered infectious diseases from that carpet.  Removing it from under the furniture involved the guys lifting beds while I crawled under.  To make matters worse, we couldn’t take the carpet down in the elevator; it had to be carried down four flights of stairs.  Afterward, in a moment of annoyance, I persuaded my mom to treat my friends to dinner as a thank you.

Fast forward to Monday, when Jeremy, Thomas, Keith and I went out to Blue Duck Tavern to dinner, partially paid for by my parents (the rest floated by me, and then additionally Keith and Thomas purchased scotch for themselves).  As one of my favorite restaurants I always hope that my friends will love it as much as I do, and as usual it did not disappoint.  Blue Duck Tavern is a farm-to-table restaurant, meaning that the menu is seasonal and changes regularly.  Additionally, all the waiters I’ve ever had have been a pleasure, and the atmosphere is devoid of the pretension you find at many higher-end restaurants.

The whole night was fabulous, and we ended up accidentally staying until 10 pm just talking.  Normally when we hang out my sister and boyfriend come, plus Keith’s girlfriend and whoever else is around, so it was nice to just have some intimate quality time with the guys.  All the food was incredible, but I have to rave in particular about the braised short rib.  Holy cow, that meat just melted in your mouth.  Perfectly cooked and delicious.

Hopefully the rest of the summer will contain many more outings!  Being home can have its downsides, but it’s so nice to have ample time to hang out with my closest friends.

Wardrobe Remix: 6.21.09

Ever since I started work I’ve been more and more interested with putting together outfits for no reason rather than dressing like my usual 12-year-old boy self.  Unfortunately, since I still don’t have that extensive of a wardrobe, a certain amount of creativity is necessary to keep things varied.  Luckily I have a younger sister who shares a close shoe-size with me, not to mention the ability to borrow jewelry and accessories within my family!  Saturday was the second NOI concert and Ashley requested that I dress cute with her, and I happily obliged.  I think my favorite part of this ensemble is the bag, a recent super-belated Christmas gift from my sister.

Details:
Jacket: ???
Dress: Thrifted
Bracelet: Borrowed from my sister
Boots: Steve Madden, borrowed from my sister
Purse: Stella McCartney for LeSportsac, from Gilt Group
Necklace: Thrifted

In other semi-related news, Anran found an old hotshoe flash belonging to his parents and brought it to me for experimentation.  These are the first two photos I’ve ever used it for, and I’m really excited to try more.  No more dim lit outfit shots!  My ghetto whiteground technique, however, is still being perfected, as can be seen by the awkward shadow remnents around the shoo photo.  Could have ’shopped them out, but I got lazy.  Always a learning process!

I’m actually far less awkward around complete strangers than with familiar faces.

Tuesday after work I headed over to CP to pick up Mr. Rose for a brief hangout session, completely exhilirated yet mildly terrified.  Dinner with my teacher!  The transition from teacher to (friend?  mentor?  fake dad?) is something that I’ve wanted ever since I found out that I’d be attending CIM, but the reality of the situation was scary nonetheless.

More importantly, I wasn’t sure if the ~6′4 man would fit in my tiny Acura.

Fears aside, I picked Mr. Rose up from his hotel and we headed out to get some pho (his treat!).  I prattled awkwardly about my job, what I do, what the pay is like, and all the little details of office life.  When we got to the restaurant somehow the topic turned to food, as it often does with us, and we discussed restaurants here, restaurants in Cleveland, aspects of eating fresh and the benefits of being a locavore.  When I get nervous I talk and talk and talk, and I’m vaguely aware that I probably babbled far too much about home and my family and whatnot.  Still, it was really enjoyable and he seemed genuinely interested in the things I had to say (but maybe he just fakes it well??).

The day ended with hugs and discussions of keeping in touch, and while I’m always irrationally plagued with the fear that I’m being told such things purely out of courtesy, I really do hope we can be friends on some level.  I’m not one to confide in people before I feel like I’ve figured things out for myself, but Mr. Rose is the only adult with whom I’ve ever felt that trusting parent-child relationship with, where I can turn to him about my fears regarding my career, my relationship, and really almost anything.  And even if I no longer want to be the little girl that calls crying about her problems, I don’t want to lose that feeling of having someone.

The Little Sister

Wardrobe Remix: 6.9.09

The biggest novelty about being a musician in an office job is that I can wear color to work, rather than the standard all-black dress code.  Today being my first official day of work – yesterday was just orientation – I decided to go for something bright and cheerful.  Not many people actually bother to dress up at my branch, but I feel like I might as well take advantage of the chance to put together outfits for fun.  It might be silly, but at the end of the day fashion is something that I really love, even if I do spend many of my days dressing like a teenage boy.

Details:
Shirt: Thrifted, Banana Republic
Belt: Belongs to my mom
Pants: Thrifted, Banana Republic
Shoes: Nordstrom Rack

Overall my first day was completely uneventful.  Because I don’t yet have a computer, a phone, or any assignments, I just sat around all day.   Since my mom starts much earlier than me I’m spending my mornings at the office gym.  My cubicle is across from the other intern in our division.  She seems nice, but has been here already for two weeks without any work to do.  My mom spoke to some people for us and hopefully we’ll have some work within the next week!  In the meantime I’m bringing a music history book so that I can study for the placement exams that I’ll have to take in the fall.  We’ll see what happens once things start getting more exciting!

So Alive

At the end of this weekend I felt so consumed with love that as I lay recounting my favorite moments to Anran before bed I found myself breathless.  It’s funny that the people who make me feel the most loved range so wildly in when I met them, from Jen, who is essentially a stranger yet feels like a long lost friend, to Keith and Thomas, who embody many of my happiest undergraduate moments, to Ivy, who really has known me forever.  Everything culminated in a quick meeting with my old orchestra conductor, who greeted me with a huge smile and an even larger hug.  It was exactly what I needed to feel rejuvenated for my new job.  Love love love.